She cries. I hold her.
When did things start breaking her heart? My fault I'm sure. Sometimes I wish I couldn't just say good-bye leaving her with good and not bad happiness and not pain. I always help those in need and keep my lonliness locked in. My hurt buried away. DO you really hear me? I doubt it. I've walked a long time to find myself going in a circle going deeper and deeper like sinking sand. I hear you calling me and yet I can't look back. I climb out by myself. Start again. Deep breath and suck it up, put a smile on that face. What's new? I could wipe off this stupid make-up, look at me now. You see me but you really don't. I've opened up, been thrown away, promised things but those were just lies. Friends who've said they're there haven't been there. People who say they'll stand by you yet they turn away from you. I've been alone. Of course people who love you try. It's funny you stand in the dark waiting for some light. Then it shines in my eyes, it hurts..I face this big picture and it's just me walking. Where to next? God my head aches..this stress this pain. I've been told I'm this I'm that all my life. I believed them, but I didn't know who I really was, what I really wanted, when I'm done. 'This will make you or break you. Somehow I always manage to find myself alone again. Silent cries from my room, laying on my bed staring at the cieling and then it hits, my heart can't take anymore. Just one more scare another pain, not that big of a deal. No one noticed..not before anyways. Perfect? What a lie. I'm far from it. 'You Destroy yourself.' I've heard that so many times. Then right before I fall asleep, sometimes I pray to God asking him to just hear me out and speak back. Maybe I'm not listening. As the tears stream down my face I suck it. I'm stronger than that. I can hold myself together and help someone else who needs the support. But when they're done with me, I'm alone again, walking in the dark. I feel you there holding my hand, barely. See me. I've detroyed myself and others. Tried holding it in and sometimes finding myself not being able to. I can't be something everyone wants to be. I've built walls, I've made sure no one can get in. You can only peek in so much till I cover that crack. I've watched people walk away from me because I've hurt them and I know deep down I never wanted to. I hate myself sometimes. That smile you see? It hurts, The girl you see laughing inside she's dying. She hides away mistakes. She takes in deep breaths and walks forward, gotta keep her head up no matter how bad she wants to stop. the sob that's deep inside controled.
She told me not to get hurt, if only she could see the inside just a peek, it's dark and cold, and there the girl with the perfect smile sits in the midst of the dark once again alone. She sees the light but it hurts her eyes. Her words stung. I haven't been like everyone else. I have 'friends' they say they love me, but they don't know that I sit and wait for someone to just reach out to me invite me to something. Make me feel like they're not just passing faces. I love her so much and yet I push her away the most, she sees me..kind of. We stood there and I watched her cry, I pulled her in and told her I love her. I told her not to cry..But she's so scared for me. She tells me to be careful to hole my heart close and not let anyone take it and tear it apart. Mother knows best. If only she knew. I don't want him to be just what she said. Grow up? More then you know. I can tak off this stupid mask. Let you see. But I'm in repair. You don't want to see the ugliness underneath. I'm drowning in deep waters and people are keeping me under. Let me breath. Then when I get the chance to escape I run and run till I'm crying out for someone to just hear me. Just hear me..You feel shut out? I can't even get inside. It's to long to late. Maybe. Do you see me, do you honestly love me? I'm hurting too, but I'll keep you up, I'll be that person you can come to. No matter what I promise. No matter how much I hurt it's one more thing to bury..
She Cries. I hold her. I wish she could see.
