I'm so tired.I don't want to think anymore.
I just want to sleep eternally.Never losing grasp of the things I love.
I'm walking into dreamland.
Follow me into the sunset.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Pulled out
I'm walking up this path, not sure where I'm going. Signs directing me here and there and every move I make I feel as if I've been going in circles for hours, I remember voices, sweet voices I kept hearing as I kept walking. I swear I could hear his among the others. I just wanted to find his.
I've looked back and walked down memory lane, painted photographs, broken frames, played back memories..lists of things we would do. It's never the same isn't it? Get back to start or go, I looked for you, and reached out to you when I needed you, but you never reached back. I swear I waited at that bus stop for hours..patiently waiting for you to come to me, but you never did. I remember the bus rides our laughs and your music, that goofy laugh, that goofy smile. I can't keep waiting though.
I walked down the path a bit more, so many promises left behind. I remember forever..forever and always, we use to say it. I remember promise rings we never got. We lost that. "Nothing new under the sun" they use to say, I never believed it. To years or promises and laughter. Good-bye was never in our vocabulary, we never use to fight, I never use to cry. Now at night I wonder if words are words, if you said what you said and meant it. I pulled away and took my body and numbed it, your words like blows one after another and I never put up the fight. I get angry and laugh at you. I cry and scream. I listen and never say a word then walk away. As I stand there looking back at the path behind me it's beautiful and light, seems like nothing could go wrong.
Then the path splits, one so dark I'm not sure if i dare to even step that way or the one that it seems like the suns setting everything seems so calm so there, no worries. I can almost feel it pulling me in, but yet I step into the darkness one step after another. Maybe I should've turned around before I got so far in, but I keep walking. I hear screams and crashing things. I start to trip over things and I fall. Broken glass around me, picture frames smashed before me. I see a fire and I get up and walk to it, all those notes all those pictures, everything we had burning in this fire and I stand there watching, laughter burning. I hear my own sobs, and I want to comfort myself, but I could never find her..well Me. I hear your anger, slamming doors and hurtful words. Then there's a light like a movie flashing before my eyes. Us standing in the kitchen screaming at each other I slap you and run away. So many words so many things I could turn back and say, but I walk up the stairs my face stained with tears. You come after me and i run and slam the door "don't you dare come in here!" my back up against the door i fall and cry with my head buried in my knees, I just want myself to be quiet. I hear you cry, please don't cry. Even now it's hard to watch. My heartbreaks and I run, I run till I'm so lost i just wait.. You said "it gets the darkest before dawn." I'm silently screaming..You and I can work it out..maybe..no? You LEFT me like I was nothing sitting outside waiting for him to get me, so numb I just laugh I can feel the sob in my chest but everything seemed like a joke. I watched you speed away and I thought to myself..'maybe he'll come back and say he's sorry..just maybe this once we won't fight anymore.' YOU never came back for me. I am nothing but a stupid girl.
I want to walk again. I want to find that other path. Let me please find it. I push forward feeling so defeated and lost. I sat on that curb waiting and his headlights flashed in my eyes. I felt his warmth like a fire, my heart raced and there he was his arms around me. I knew he would come. My get away, sweet release. Never let me go. 1,2,3 you can count on me. I keep walking in a new direction only watching the sunset and i see him in the distance waiting.
I've looked back and walked down memory lane, painted photographs, broken frames, played back memories..lists of things we would do. It's never the same isn't it? Get back to start or go, I looked for you, and reached out to you when I needed you, but you never reached back. I swear I waited at that bus stop for hours..patiently waiting for you to come to me, but you never did. I remember the bus rides our laughs and your music, that goofy laugh, that goofy smile. I can't keep waiting though.
I walked down the path a bit more, so many promises left behind. I remember forever..forever and always, we use to say it. I remember promise rings we never got. We lost that. "Nothing new under the sun" they use to say, I never believed it. To years or promises and laughter. Good-bye was never in our vocabulary, we never use to fight, I never use to cry. Now at night I wonder if words are words, if you said what you said and meant it. I pulled away and took my body and numbed it, your words like blows one after another and I never put up the fight. I get angry and laugh at you. I cry and scream. I listen and never say a word then walk away. As I stand there looking back at the path behind me it's beautiful and light, seems like nothing could go wrong.
Then the path splits, one so dark I'm not sure if i dare to even step that way or the one that it seems like the suns setting everything seems so calm so there, no worries. I can almost feel it pulling me in, but yet I step into the darkness one step after another. Maybe I should've turned around before I got so far in, but I keep walking. I hear screams and crashing things. I start to trip over things and I fall. Broken glass around me, picture frames smashed before me. I see a fire and I get up and walk to it, all those notes all those pictures, everything we had burning in this fire and I stand there watching, laughter burning. I hear my own sobs, and I want to comfort myself, but I could never find her..well Me. I hear your anger, slamming doors and hurtful words. Then there's a light like a movie flashing before my eyes. Us standing in the kitchen screaming at each other I slap you and run away. So many words so many things I could turn back and say, but I walk up the stairs my face stained with tears. You come after me and i run and slam the door "don't you dare come in here!" my back up against the door i fall and cry with my head buried in my knees, I just want myself to be quiet. I hear you cry, please don't cry. Even now it's hard to watch. My heartbreaks and I run, I run till I'm so lost i just wait.. You said "it gets the darkest before dawn." I'm silently screaming..You and I can work it out..maybe..no? You LEFT me like I was nothing sitting outside waiting for him to get me, so numb I just laugh I can feel the sob in my chest but everything seemed like a joke. I watched you speed away and I thought to myself..'maybe he'll come back and say he's sorry..just maybe this once we won't fight anymore.' YOU never came back for me. I am nothing but a stupid girl.
I want to walk again. I want to find that other path. Let me please find it. I push forward feeling so defeated and lost. I sat on that curb waiting and his headlights flashed in my eyes. I felt his warmth like a fire, my heart raced and there he was his arms around me. I knew he would come. My get away, sweet release. Never let me go. 1,2,3 you can count on me. I keep walking in a new direction only watching the sunset and i see him in the distance waiting.
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